He's digging deep—there is a groan, an unearthing in my heart and it sits heavy. He is working. His hands turn over and tills up, fingernails black with dirt, until the soil is rich. Until it is good.
The plow makes the earth ready to receive, and I am ready—to receive grace, to receive forgiveness, to receive love and healing and a new heart! He makes all things new... Create in me, O God! Do your work!
And His promise echoes, deep and resonating in the hollow of my chest: "I will give you a new heart..."
O Lord, You have searched me through and through; You alone are the One who knows me. You know my ups and downs; You know the origins of my thoughts. I am encompassed by You; everywhere I go You are with me. Before I even speak You know what I will say, O Lord.
I look back and I see your hand in my life; I look forward and see your plan; even now I feel your hand upon me. You know me, the motives of my heart, better even than I know myself!
I cannot depart from You; why should I try? Where should I run? You are always right beside me, holding me fast. You always see me--have always seen me. You made me, and thank God for that! Before my parents even thought of me, You knew everything about me, had planned every single day of my life!
You never stop thinking about me—how amazing!—your thoughts of me outnumber the grains of sand on the shores. I'm always with You, asleep or awake.
If only I could keep myself away from lies, from deceit. I reject the part of me that rises up in defiance of You, O Lord! I am my own worst enemy...
Search me, O God, for I do not know myself. Reveal my heart to me; refine me and strengthen me. Expose my brokenness, and teach me to let your eternal light shine through it!
- Psalm 139 (personal translation)