Have you ever struggled with the deep hurt of sins committed against you, either recently or in the past? Our hearts' natural inclination is to cling to unforgiveness when we've been wounded, but this allows bitterness a foothold in our lives. Often our desire for justification keeps us from extending forgiveness. “I have the right to be mad! They need to know how much they’ve hurt me! I need an apology before I can forgive them.” But as followers of Jesus, we are called to forgive, regardless of the other person’s response. The only way to effectively deal with the hurts that come our way is through forgiveness.
In Matthew 18, Jesus tells us a story about a servant who owed a great debt to his master. When the time came to settle the account, the servant was unable to pay. So the master ordered all of the servant’s possessions, his wife and children, and the servant himself be sold to repay the debt.
In despair the servant fell on his knees, begging his master to be patient with him, saying, “I will pay back everything!” (v.26). The servant’s master took pity on him and cancelled his debt.
As the servant was leaving, he ran into a man who owed him money and demanded he pay him back. When the man was unable to pay, the unmerciful servant had him thrown into prison.
When the master found out about this, he called the servant in and said to him, “You wicked servant! I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you? (v.32–33)” The master then handed the servant over to the jailers to be tortured until he could pay back all that he owed.
Jesus’ story warns of the destructive effects of withholding forgiveness. First, unforgiveness keeps us in bondage.
You stiffen when the person’s name is mentioned in conversation. An encounter with them leaves you angry or depressed the rest of the day. You silently criticize every Facebook post or Tweet or Instagram photo. These emotional responses are telltale signs that unforgiveness has given the offender control in your life. You’re “imprisoned” by what you think they owe you.
Secondly, unforgiveness usurps God’s authority (Rom.12:19). It is a form of pride. We take the judgment seat and proceed to do God’s job for him. We seek to make our offenders pay.
You withhold affection, giving your spouse the “cold shoulder” until he owns up to his offense. You give your son or daughter the “silent treatment” until they call you up groveling, begging for forgiveness and admitting how they were wrong. You make cutting remarks to your friend in a sideways effort to make her realize how much she hurt you.
The truth is, people are going to hurt you for the rest of your life. Our capacity to forgive needs to be fully functional, or we will end up buried underneath the bitterness and anger of every sin that comes our way. So what does forgiveness look like?
Forgiveness is not condoning sin. Neither is it forgetting the offense. Forgiveness is a personal choice in which we release our offenders to God and, in exchange, receive supernatural healing and freedom from the power sin had over us.
Sound too good to be true? Try this: the next time someone hurts you, the next time you’re angry or offended, pray this prayer: “God, I’m handing this person over to you along with the hurt and pain they caused me. You are the Judge, and only you have the right and authority to determine discipline, pronounce judgement, or seek revenge. Fill me with supernatural forgiveness, and free me from the effects of the sin committed against me! In Jesus’ name. Amen.”
As we practice forgiveness, we are transformed. Just as through justification we are made as though we never sinned, through forgiveness, we are made as though we had never been sinned against! When we forgive from the heart, Jesus comes and heals the hurt. He takes our broken hearts and makes us whole again!
Reflection Questions
- Who do you need to forgive today?
- Why is forgiveness so important in our walk with Jesus?
- Romans 5:8 says, “While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” How can Jesus’ example encourage us as we practice forgiving those who have hurt us deeply?