I just can’t do it anymore. The thought flashed through my head as I sank into the couch, utterly exhausted. It was shaping up to be a long week, and it was only Tuesday.
My two-year-old was sick, which meant a slew of sleepless nights and napless days. The house looked as though some raging whirlwind of toys, dirty dishes, laundry, and bits of half-eaten food had ravaged it, a trail of disaster and mayhem left in its wake.
I sat in the midst of it all, battling the feelings of inadequacy brooding just beneath the surface, threatening to shatter my fragile and frayed exterior. I had nothing left to give.
It’s days like these when my flesh rises up, and I am tempted to turn to something outside of God to try and meet my needs.
You know what would make this day better? A latte. Yeah, that’s it. I just need a little caffeine jolt to turn this day around! I know that coffee and something sweet will make me feel good and give me the energy I so desperately need. Besides, spending money gives me a sense of control over my otherwise out-of-control day, and going to the coffee shop helps me escape the realities of home life for a while.
I know I should turn to Jesus, but if I’m gut-honest? I just don’t want what God wants. I want what I want. I like these “quick fixes” and I don't feel like giving them up. I can manufacture my own energy, muster up my own strength, and fabricate my own peace, thank you very much.
But ultimately the caffeine and sugar highs wear off, and I can only avoid being at home for so long. Pretty soon I’m right back to square one: all of my false sources of power have failed me and I’m more desperate than I was to begin with!
God brings us to these points of desperation so that we might cease striving, turn to him, and admit that we can’t do life on our own. Only when we get honest about ourselves before God, can he begin to align our hearts with his will. We turn the corner from simply identifying our problems to moving toward the solution. Toward Jesus.
1 Corinthians 1:26 tells us to remember who we were when we were called. On the day of our salvation, we brought nothing more than our willingness—our “yes” to Jesus. The same is true of sanctification: it involves a choice. We have to want to become more like Jesus, or we will stay stuck.
So if the days are feeling a little desperate—tear-stained, collapsing on the couch, breathing barely-there prayers into the air kind of desperate—let’s come before him humble, hands empty, with nothing to offer but the “yes” in our hearts. And we will begin to know the hope of glory, which is Christ in us!
Reflection Questions
- When we are honest with God about who we are—thinking of ourselves “with sober judgement” (Rom.12:3)—he is able to work in us more freely. Where in your life do you simply not want what God wants or what he offers you?
- Consider praying: “Lord, I bring this area of my life before you today, humbly and honestly. I confess that my will is not aligned with yours, and apart from you I lack the power to change it. Put your desires in my heart, Lord. Help me to want what you want! Make me desperate for you that I might begin to see your transforming power at work in my life! Amen.”