I stood at the front of the auditorium with the spotlights beaming down hot, my back to the chairs where people worshipped, still concealed by the cool, comfortable darkness. Part of me wanted to remain there with them—carefully concealed. I guess it doesn't matter how many times I've been up for prayer, I still feel painfully exposed.
I began my carefully worded explanation as to why I was there, what I needed from Him or thought He wanted from me, but the words began to deteriorate. My throat closed up as I swallowed hard, voice cracking, "I'm just so afraid that I'm going to mess up my kids..."
The tears poured forth as I laid my fears out before Him: the fear that I wasn't enough, the fear that I'd made too many crucial mistakes, the fear that because of who I was I'd irreparably damaged those I love the most...that my brokenness was too big for His grace.
You see, I lose myself in the trap of comparison. I think that because I'm not a certain type of person or because I don't do things a certain way, something is wrong with me. The enemy trips us up with this, not just in parenting, but in our marriages, our careers, our friendships and our ministries. Even in our relationship with Jesus, we are tempted to compare! But the truth--God's truth—is we are unique creations. If we are to embrace a life of selflessness, we must first embrace ourselves.
This is the Father-heart of God, loving each of his children individually, even as we love our own. Resist the temptation to compare yourself to others; God compares you to no one else! He desires your unique love—it's why He made you!—and He can find it nowhere else except within your heart. Praise Him today for your individuality, for all the things that make you "you." Find confidence and encouragement in the truth that He knows you inside and out, and that He has a plan for every single day of your life!
- What are some attributes of yourself that you struggle to accept? How do you think God feels about those things?
- Identify the situations in which you are most tempted to compare yourself to others. Ask God to give you confidence in these areas of your life.
- Read Psalm 139:1-16. How does the truth that God knows every detail of your life encourage you?